I'm not a blogger.

So I decided to start a blog…. because I have so much time as a mom of two little ones (negative).  Because I have so much extra energy (I wish). Because I feel like I have this whole life thing figured out and want to share my wisdom (It's a comedy show, really). Ya, none of these are true.  You know, I don’t know why the heck I started this.  I do know all the reasons why I shouldn’t.  I’m pretty sure anyone that reads my blogs will say “wow, I can’t believe she taught 2nd grade and she can’t even use proper grammar, I mean look at her lack of commas”.  Well to all my cynical readers, you are right, I don’t use commas like I should and I often contemplate, do I use a comma here or not… did I pause or not?  I mean here’s the truth, I have 2 kids (ages 3 and 1.5) (see above) I don’t have TIME to pause.  Like I’m seriously running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off 24/7, I DON’T PAUSE.  When I’m spewing my words of wisdom, there are NO PAUSES.  It’s more so, rushed between, wiping bottoms, noses, and messes around my house. So there.  Take that, all you grammar Nazis.  Oh, and another reason why I don’t need to write a blog is because half the time I’m just running on fumes and I have all this information in my head but it’s all crammed up there somewhere, but not really sure where (kinda like iCloud).  Like, sometimes, I question if after labor, my OBGYN somehow sucked out the brain cells left after pregnancy.  Side note, I forgot my address once when pregnant.  I ordered a pizza and legit, forgot my address.  I knew it started with a 3 but couldn’t even get the street to make headway in that foggy mind of mine.  Did I mention I’ve been living at the same house for 6 years?! Anyway, you get the point, becoming a mother has totally destroyed the brain cells I salvaged after high school. I just don’t feel like writing a blog it suitable for someone that can’t even muster a conversation at a playground with another mom.  I ramble, I have the attention span of a 3 month old, and I’m always thinking, about coffee, food, or my kid’s naptime, while the other mom is talking.  So writing a blog is probably a dumb idea. 

Really the only reason I’m doing this is my darn friend.  She started a blog and I mentioned “Oh that crossed my mind once”.  “Once” before I had a 3 year old trying to poop on the toilet, and eat granola cereal at the same time, once, before my 1.5 year old daughter started throwing out of control fits because she wanted the red fruit pouch, not the green, and she doesn’t want me to hand it to her, that REALLY upsets her.  No, I must place it on the floor of my kitchen and let her kick and scream and then she will so sweetly, grab it and gobble it up.  “Once” when I actually had time to turn the TV on and watch a show all the way through! I mean, it seems like ages ago when I actually saw the credits of a movie.  THAT NEVER happens.  I use to have goals of writing before trying to juggle, 2 kids, house work, and my photography business. There’s 24 hours in the day and I need about 34 to get everything done.  So ya, I opened my big mouth and told my friend that “once” was an idea of mine.  BIG MISTAKE because this so happens to be a “praying” friend.  I don’t know how she prayed about it or if she even prayed about it, all I know is that I mention it to her once and she immediately pours all this positive reinforcement my way.  “YEEESSSS, Amiee, yes, you would be so great at this and think of all those people you could impact”.  Thank you for all the unwanted pressure, but nope.  Not gonna happen.  Nope.  I have NO TIME.  There are some days I seriously go all day without having the time to look at myself in the mirror.  Cynical peeps, I can hear you now, “don’t you go to the bathroom?” Yes, I do, but that is more like some jacked up triathlon.  I wait until the last second, when I can’t hold it any longer and after I get my kids down from hanging from the chandeliers.   I race to the bathroom dodging Thomas the train figurines left and right and rushing to get to the door before my 1.5 year old gets her fingers shut in the door stop.  I then can rely on about 30 seconds to urinate before my 3 year old opens the door for her, and then it’s over.  She is running around like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. She knows I’m trapped I can’t just stop the flow once it’s started, so I watch her open every cabinet she can, gracefully pulling out every bleach product I own.  She smiles and finds joy watching my tone change from “don’t do that sweetie” to “dear LORD, STOP IT!” So ya, I don’t get a chance to look at myself and do all that other crazy stuff like brush my hair either. Fun times.

So here I am writing a blog. LOL There’s power in prayer and power in the almighty GOD, for sure.  It was like I couldn’t get writing this blog out of my mind.  I couldn’t drive to the grocery store without thinking about how I would write about this horrific experience of my kids throwing toys at one another and crying nonstop.  EVERY CRAZY experience (there are too many to name in the day) lead me to thinking about how many other moms could relate.  So here I am. 

If you are still reading this saga I’m pretty pumped.  That means I haven’t bored you to tears or maybe I’m so bad that you are huddled by your computer with your significant other, pointing out all my writing flaws and shaking your head about my absurd behavior.  Regardless, it excites me.  I am beyond excited to share my crazy mom life with whoever will have me. 

I’m eager to reach out to those moms that don’t have moms to guide them, like me.  That’s a whole other chapter, or more like a book of my life, that I’ll share in detail later.  Just know, if you are a mom, without a mom, you are not on this roller coaster alone. Everyday I wish I could make a phone call and get an easy yes or no to those thousands of parenting questions, but I don’t, and I can’t, but thank GOD for google and those amazing “praying friends”.  It's not easy.  It's not easy for those that have the BEST advocates cheering them on taking the reigns when needed. But for us that have no options but ourselves, it can be draining.  No "get out of jail free" card for us. All the weight is on our shoulders, and we feel it. It's insane.  It's so hard pouring your heart out to those babies 24/7 and there's no one for you to pour your heart out to.  Sometimes it just seems unfair, especially when I see those amazing grandmas that go above and beyond.  I wonder what it would be be like to have that in my life.  And then when I let my mind wander too long, I cross over to the dark side.  "Can I be a GOOD mom, without a mom".  I mean, google is great, but is it good enough?!  I saw a quote today and once again answers my fears with a  calming "yes, yes, yes, you are good enough, you are fit, you will be succeed at this challenge, and your kids will always love you".  

All the feels.  Thank you, Lord, for that reminder, and thank for that oh so, nagging nudge to get me to write my first blog.  To be continued...